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in my thoughts today

I was sitting by the window having some coffee, both my hands wrapped around my green mug looking at the trees swing back and forth from the strong wind Irene has left behind I began to ponder what has transpired in this past year...It has been a fun journey discovering and learning about myself even though my breakthrough has just been recently, give or take a month.  It really hasn't been all fun and games, I've had to endure certain heart ache, and also accepting the fact I am a submissive something lots of women in my circle just see as weak, and by no means they will allow a man to take control and handle of their life in any way.  They really don't understand the concept and just because you are submissive does not make you weak at all!  geez - ignorance

I had an on-line relationship and this is where all this submissive side came to be born, but like some good things in life it had to end, I am not going to lie, I am still in love with him but I know it can't be.

I have never experienced a D/s M/s relationship in flesh only mentally, it scares me having the thought of a Dominant standing in front of me and I am there just feeling as powerless as I will ever feel, surrender all of me...helloooo..tingling here, that is a great feeling! hahaha

My journey consist of many other things; I love to travel but I don't get to do it as often as I would like to.  If it was up to me every weekend I would take off to a new or old city, have a new destination plan, of course it gets old, so after a while I can do it twice a month.  In the past year I have actually traveled plenty and I was very happy with my European destinations among other places I visited.  Now I want more!

As I look back I am just a happier me than what I used to be, for several months I have been searching for that middle place, I was feeling lost, unhappy, didn't know if I was coming or going, trying to make a decision and afraid of the end results, I am still struggling with it but at least I have control of it which I didn't before, at least now I have the courage I didn't have before.  In the end I am happy because at least I made a decision :)

I also miss having sex, connecting with someone in that level, yeah yeah...I am a bit old fashion in certain areas, I have been intimate with three men in my entire life, so yes, I must have feelings in order for me to do it, just imagine - I can count the times I've been intimate in the past year or so, I miss it, I need it, I crave it damn it! so for now my sweet and dear fingerlicious is doing the job or at least trying.  Very soon I will have to start taking Spanish fly in order to get my groove on, my drive is on the floor.  I do get horny don't get me wrong, but not horny enough to get laid with someone who is willing to do me the favor.

I am just going to continue having something to drink, look outside until nightfall comes along and get ready for a new week.

Sincerely Yours


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Sincerely Yours Aluv