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...some thoughts in the middle of the night

Hard to sleep this days, keep waking up in the middle of he night just because (long story)...I am in my somewhat-thirties, I was married for a very long time (over a decade and a half) and just entering the dating scene, all I can say is - it is the hardest thing I've experienced in a long time.  Since I was up anyways I logged in to check my messages on some online dating site I recently joined and it is so there anyone out there worth seen or giving the time of day to?

What is this?

I know exactly what I am looking for in a is just so hard to find someone, I have been alone for 6 months and several dates later is just a huge disappointment.  Men just want to get laid, on the first day they are already discussing how high their stamina is ( I am using better terms), WTF!
My friend who has been in the D/s lifestyle for a while advised me not to mention my interest in D/s M/s because it is something private and according to me it is a subject that should come up when there is some level of trust, but that is my opinion.  I just want to be careful when the time comes I am under the care of someone who I am comfortable with, more like a developing relationship.

I have researched in Fetlife and I try to see if you can find someone a bit serious to meet, or someone who will call my attention somehow but it is the same thing, when a Master/Dom tries to have a conversation with me I don't feel that mental stimulation, first you have to attract my mind and the rest will just follow.  Something has to click in order for me to get into someone and that is hard to accomplish.  It has happened once in several years, but it is not worth mentioning at the moment, that will be another blog.

I am turned off very easily, and lately this are the type of things I am hearing from this guys:
  1. how huge their cock is
  2. how high their stamina is (this is our first conversation, is an introduction buddy)
  3. mentioning what a bitch their x-girlfriend was (if you talk shit about her with me, I wonder what you will say about me)
  4. showing off by telling me how good they are in bed
  5. why am I been asked what is my favorite position? (what?!? I am not even going to get into that)
You know what? it is not even worth going on, it is crazy, I check my pictures and they look serious, my introduction does not say anything that should be calling the attention of pervs! oh and get this, I have kids as young as 24 sending me messages, are you kidding me?

What is a girl to do?  My friend tells me not to give up, it will take time to find the one who sets the sparks, I can't wait to have that wonderful feeling when you have that certain connection and your stomach sinks in each time you hear from him, the emotions, the feelings, your throat feeling dry, it is just so a wonderful feeling... yes, that is exactly what I am looking for.

After letting that out, now I feel I can get some sleep.

Sincerely Yours

Loving my blog


I think everyone on these blogs, especially women, can feel your frustration. When I was searching, I felt is as well. As one of those sincere guys, who knew exactly what he wanted in a person, it was very hard to be noticed through all the other guys that are full of bs.

Based on what you wrote, I wrote a series on Chemistry on my blog. You may find it interesting. You can do a search on my blog, or email me and I'll send you the links.

There is also a catch 22 to your approach in not mentioned D/s. You need to be able to find someone that is familiar with this and can be what you need. Not mentioning it greatly reduces your chances of finding it. Yet, as you mention, bringing it up can lead things in a direction you may not want to start out.

I wish you the best of luck.

ALuv said…
I hope to learn, be able to recognize when they're bs'ing me or will take time for me to open up and find my comfort zone.

I am looking forward to reading more, learn, discover, and explore.

Thanks again for the warm welcome.
oatmeal girl said…
I don't believe in the concept of "one true love", but it does take time to stumble upon someone who is right from you - and for whom you are right as well. And this applies to meeting people on-line as well as to feeling sparks when you turn around and look at the person behind you in the check-out line.

Lots of inappropriate people approached me on FetLife - and continue to do so, even though I make it clear in my profile that I'm not looking for anything other than friendship. They just don't read. I do try to learn from these messages ways to adjust my profile to give an appropriate picture of myself - and did even when I WAS looking for a new Dom.

In the end, the sadist who now owns me said he saw deep inside me from what I did - and didn't - say, and set a very effective trap for his prey. Whether it was pure luck or brilliant fate that caused him to come across my profile I don't know, but it could just as easily have taken two years more before someone so right came across me and approached in a way I couldn't resist.

Good luck in your search.

ALuv said…
I am learning something new each time. It does take time for things to happen, at least the right ones, the ones we hope for...I am in no rush, I want it, I wish for it, I yearn it but I also want it to be right, and great things take time to happen, at least I understand that part.

I don't log in often into fetlife, I used it mostly to research about D/s relationships and Dynamics but to do so had to create a profile and the messages began pouring in.

thank you very much O.G for taking the time to read my post and leave a comment :)
oatmeal girl said…
I wouldn't put too much stock in what you read on FetLife about D/s relationship. People act as if there are rules, standards, a right way to do things. It's all bullshit. There is no authoritative D/s Bible or owner's manual. If you've read back at all in my blog you'll see that's one of my pet peeves.

But FetLife CAN be good for seeing different ways of doing things, and you CAN make friends there, including potential doms. Browsing blogs is also good - again, to see how different people handle their relationships. Plus you can find friends in the community of people who comment on any particular blog. But again, remember that none of us are completely dispassionate reporters. We may be telling the truth, but it is by no means the whole truth.

ALuv said…
I have learned that the hard way and painfully!
Reading does make you see the different views and perspective people have in the subject and the lifestyle, I don't necessarily agree with everything I read, I have my own views and make my own conclusions...still a great way to research and learn new things. I love it!


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