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Dating for the wrong reasons?

I have been in a LDR for a few years, nontheless with a married man, and like every woman who is in a situation like the one I am going through we all would like to think that it will end in a happily ever after.

I am not saying online relationship or LDR's don't work, by all means I believe in them but at the moment it is not working for me.  The man I am in love with has suddenly slowed down on his writing and his attention is else where, and although I would like to think that every relationship has its up and down and we are just going through a moment, I also have to be realistic about the fact he has a life and a wife.
There is a saying where I come from that goes "Long Distance Relationships and the four of us happy".  I get tons of advice why I should give up that affair yet my heart is in total control, and my mind to say the least still hung on him.  When I began to talk/chat with guys after I was done I was crying for hours and that is just talking...can you imagine going even further?

I am really pushing myself to go out there, I still don't know what I want, but one thing is for sure, I am not ready to give him up.  The conversation has not been brought up about me dating, for that matter I have no idea how he might feel about it, but someone did bring up a good point not long ago, she said "it must be an open relationship, he does have a wife so it means you are allow to see other people as well"...I am still debating with that answer/advice because even if he is with his partner I still feel as if I am cheating/betraying him if I allow myself to be intimate with another and the thought of it makes me feel so dishonest.

There are so many things I need to think about and sort out, I feel I am doing the right thing but maybe I am doing it for the wrong reasons "one nail drives out another", but what if it doesn't?

I know that I have to take my time and make sure I don't rush into anything, one of my friends say he loves women in my situation for it makes us vulnerable and I find it to be true in some cases.  I've had plenty of men approach me in different levels and I have yet to fall for anyone, I am truly and deeply in love and I recognize it and that love doesn't allow me to be unfaithful to him.  As I said before, there is so much I have to work on, little by little, no rush here at all.  I am taking every day as easy as I can, learn and have fun with it, I might learn a thing or two in this journey, who knows...

Sincerely Yours
Aluv

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