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Why I am failing in the dating world

It is not a secret this girl is hopelessly in love with a certain someone and I know it is the reason why I can't move on.  Do I want to move on is actually the big question here and the answer is...NO

I can't help loving him and taking my submission extremely serious.  I have the hope that one day we will be together but the distance that separates us has become even greater...not only the fact that he is far away (3,500 miles - the other side of the world) but the fact that we haven't spent anytime together for quite a few months.
Falling in love with someone who is far away is extremely hard; not been able to spend quality time with him makes the situation even harder.  He writes once a day and he makes sure to tell me he loves me and that melts me to the point I need a spoon to scoop myself up.

He knows the way I feel about him :) I am not sure that is something to be so happy about, hehehe, he might just be using that to his advantage.  *giggles* When my phone goes off and I know is him I shiver, a huge smile adorns my face and for the most part I have to sit down because I feel all of my strength  leave my body momentarily, I blush, my heart begins to skip beats and for that single moment I fall in love all over again. 

I can't believe I have a profile on a dating site without telling him and he still doesn't know...he does know I went out on a date because that part I could not hide, feeling guilty enough as is.  I never thought I would actually do that and I have to thank my friends for the harassment and the peer pressure I had to endure for several months,
they hope that the relationship between my Master and I works out but in the meantime they also think I should have other options in due case one day he sends me a 'Dear John' letter...

In my heart and in my mind I belong to this man, my love, my being are his...but the pain of not having his attention hurts me so and it pisses me off!  Love needs to be nurtured specially on the type of relationship we are "suppose" to be in...I used to be an open book, now I am hiding little things from him and that is how it starts; first with little ones then graduating to the big ones.
I began holding back how I am feeling and how things are affecting me, he doesn't know about this blog...I really don't communicate many things to him as I used to and I want to don't get me wrong yet I feel him so distant.  One question that constantly follows me, why doesn't he just end it?  I obviously can't do it, perhaps we are both waiting for someone to take the first step, I know it wont come from me, I am a fighter...I don't give up easily even more so when I love the person.

I wonder if we will be able to rekindle what we've lost or maybe just become total strangers and pick up the pieces from there. 

Sincerely Yours
Aluv

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