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Bad Girl Theory

I don't know if anyone saw and/or remembers the movie "Someone Like You" with Ashley Judd...It is based on the novel "Animal Husbandry"...It is about a woman who is looking for a logical explanation behind being dumped.  She comes up with the "New Cow Theory" which is based on research done on actual cows...the theory states that bulls will dump their old cow for a new cow, after having their way with them, and once they had the new cow, they lose interest and look for other new cows.

Of course this blog has nothing to do with new or old cows, but it really got me thinking of the "Bad Girl Theory".

I have been told I need to step up my game and stop being so nice to men, I often get this type of advice -- "if you treat them like crap you will have them/him eating out of the palm of your hand; don't make yourself so available, don't let him know or see that he is important to you and how much you love him, make him wait, let him be the one chasing you, the more you show you care, the more sure they are of you, the less attention they feel they must give you..." of course, the list goes on...

The girls wanted to show me how true the theory was, and after we all joined a dating site I became more convinced that there was some truth to it.

To make a long story short, we all put our profiles in POF (Plenty of Fish) -- I had one date out of the entire thing (there is only one man who I am interested in so I didn't pursue the dating thing, I was in it for the wrong reasons I guess at that time), the other girls had at least 4 - 5 dates a day (more like ice-breakers), they really went to town! lol
"W" took that opportunity to show me/us how the "Bad Girl Theory" is actually true.  She chose 3 guys out of the bunch and began making and breaking dates which pissed them off, yet they never gave up on her, they kept calling her and of them even sent her the following text message "Whore, cunt, bitch, I hope you die" and even after the facts and the insults he kept calling her asking her to go out on dates, buying her stuff, sending her flowers and even wanting a serious relationship at one point ^.^ and the story repeats itself with the other guys...the less interested she shows the more attention they give her, the more they want to be with her. 
Her boyfriend lives out of the states, and when she ignores him by not picking up his calls or replying to his text messages he will call her friends to find out if she is alright and/or what is going on with her...this has been the case for over a year now, you would think the poor fellow would have given up by now, yet he is totally in love.

I am dedicated, understanding, I am available 24/7, luvy duvy, an open book, I show my feelings and emotions, a little octopus *grins* - can't keep my hands to myself - attentive...etc., you get the point...Does this mean I will always be taken for granted?  I give myself to the fullest capacity yet I always either come second or last in every agenda. 

I can't change who I am or try to be someone that I am is just the way that I am, or better yet, the way I was raised, but I often hear women saying the same thing...the less attention they give their man the more they are into them, and as weird as it may be or is true!!!
If I was busy at work and my x-husband would call  and I couldn't pick up the phone for one reason or another he would show up at my job, he would be extremely concerned and wondering if I was mad at him for any reason, he couldn't do enough for me, but when he would find out that everything was ok and I was not mad he would go back to his asshole ways.

Yikes...I guess there must be some truth in the "Bad Girl Theory"... but more research will be done in the subject for future reference.

Sincerely Yours


Anonymous said…
I am embarrassed to say I treated my "H" that way when I met him.

I also have been guilty of giving my teen daughter that advice in dating. Bad Girl advice.

She was recently jilted by a guy, and wouldn't stop swooning over him.
She would text him, pass by his locker and he eventually would say mean things to her or ignore her texts. I couldn't stand to see her obsess over him when he cared less about her now.

I told her, please! just ignore him and pretend like you are having the best time of your life and that you could care less about him. Be seen laughing and talking to other guys and see what happens.

Sure enough, two weeks later of her now ignoring him and not caring, he sends her a single text message.
"Hey, want to hang out sometime?" - to which, she promptly ignored...

Guess who has been driving by our house to see if my daughter is home?

Why are some guys like that? Is it the chase?
I told my husband once that I was so sorry for running him around like that.
I think Bad girls get a kick out of it too, it's a control thing maybe? I am very guilty of it.
Sorry I wrote a book here!
Anonymous said…
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Anonymous said…
I don't think you have to act "bad" to get a man. I do think it's important for a man to do the chasing, though. The best thing I ever did was tell Daddy that I didn't want to keep dating him. I wasn't playing games. I really meant it at the time, but he said when I told him that he was determined to get me to marry him. It all worked out the way it was supposed to. He is the man for me!


P.S. Good luck finding a man that adores you!
Dee said…
Hmmm it's the old double edged sword this isn't it. I think it is true, that guys are 'put off' by a female chasing them, only for the simple fact I think men actually are wired to chase, and I think they do like the thrill of it not being made 'too' easy for them. And yes, I admit to being this way when younger too, the minute you back off, they come running! It can be quite a power trip. And also, I actually prefer to be the chased rather than the chaser (well I used to lol)
And Emi, I have 3 daughters, when the time comes, I would give them the very same advice that you gave yours!

Dee x
Conina said…
You know.. whatever truth there may be in this, I don't think the sort of person acting like this would get you would be the sort of person you want.

There are wonderful men out there who are happy to have attention lavished upon them and who will in turn lavish attention back upon you - treating men like less than human so you can be a "new cow" in turn is not really what I think most of us want out of life.

If mutual respect is where you want to wind up, it's where you want to start too.
ALuv said…
Thank you ladies for the feed back, I also have 2 daughters and when they've run into certain issues I have given them the same advice, ignore him and he will look for you...sure enough it worked. I can't say I practice what I preach although I've only had two relationship + the LDR that I am currently in...
@ Emi please make yourself at home when commenting, write as much as you like, your views are very important.
@ Kitty but you see, when you put your foot down and YOU made a decision for yourself to leave him and he didn't want to lose you he also made a decision and I must say by reading your blog it seems to me he made a very wise and smart choice!
@ Dee is the thrill of the chase and capturing the prey..hehe "animal instinct" *grins and wroars* I come from a culture where men do the chasing, women are submissive by nature (at least up until the 80's).
@ Conina you are right, there are men who are happy to give and put in the relationship as much as there are women who will too. I can't really speak by experience because I have never used the bad girl tactic before *shrugs* I don't think it will work for me anyways, lmao, with my luck it will backfire! hehe

Thanks ladies for the comments :)

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