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I don't even know

I can't even think of a subject for this post....

I am livid, aggravated, mad, and not at anyone in particular but with myself...!

I am reluctant to mention "Him" in my post because of past experiences and people not being able to mind their own business...but today I need to vent!!

He forgot my birthday!!

The man who says he is proud to be my owner forgot my birthday :( he wrote his regular morning email and didn't mention a thing about it, of course I thought when I got up today I was going to find an email but not even that...should I take the hint?

I am tired of making up excuses for him, telling myself how busy he is and that is why he can't spend time with me, giving me only 5 minutes or less of his time in the morning to reply to a few emails I wrote to him the day before, I sometimes think he replies out of pity...he has been on vacation since Friday of last week but I have not seen him online, neither has he made any attempt to be with me.

Where there is a will there is a way, I guess he is lacking the will, because the way is there with a little effort on his behalf...when I left the Netherlands I gave him a calling card I bought to use to call my friends and family while I was there, and 8 months later he has not even attempted to use it but when I asked him he gives me a poor excuse.  In the 2 years and 4 months that I have been with him there is always an excuse why we can't do voice or cam, something is not working, the laptop doesn't have one, the computer is too old, excuses, excuses and more excuses...

There is always time for everything and everyone else and I always come last, actually I don't even come last, I am just an option I guess, he will get to me when he can, if he can... and I am not just saying that because I am upset, I am saying it because HE makes me feel that way, but I am backing off.

Is not the fact he forgot my birthday, that is not so much the big deal here, but that little gesture just began a huge domino effect reminding me of other little things that has taken place...it is the little things sometimes that either breaks or makes the deal.

A lot of it is my fault...I have been an open book, I put my trust, my heart, my faith and all that I am in this relationship, in him...I made myself available 24/7, I never asked for anything in return, never demanded of him.  I have been faithful, I have done everything in my powers, I traveled to the other side of the world - not once, but twice to be with him...I have handed myself, my time, and made things so easy for him, he doesn't need to make the effort, I did it for both of us.

For years I sheltered my heart, I was afraid to fall in love, and it caught me by surprise...but the greatest thing about this entire experience is that I know that I can love, and love unconditionally, purely and truly.

Is just too bad he hasn't appreciated what so many want and wish they had!

We don't know what we have until we have lost it...but hey, that wont even be the case here...he doesn't have time for that...I am sure.


Sincerely Yours
Aluv

Comments

Kitty said…
I think you deserve much better. Of course, it's your decision, but if a guy treated me like you've described I wouldn't stay with him for a second.

Deep down you know I'm right...that he's just giving you excuses and if he really cared he would remember. In this day and age of information technology there's no excuse for him forgetting a birthday.

(((Hugs to you!)))
Love,
Kitty
Emi Jones said…
Oh... I am so sorry ((hugs)) to you! I would be an emotional wreck if my birthday was forgotten.
I do agree with what Kitty said. You deserve SO much more!
Sky said…
ALuv - Happy Belated Birthday. I hope you had a nice day despite HIM forgetting your birthday.

I can relate to everything you are saying. You know my story as you follow my blog. I feel for you. I know you have invested so much of your heart into this relationship and even though you know deep down what you must do, it still hurts.

Sending you a big hug. Take care. Sky xx
SBF said…
Happy Birthday!! May all your wishes come true.

People show you exactly who they are, all you have to do is listen. Its that little voice telling you or the red flags that pop up. Dont ignore them.
Hoping a man will change his behavior is like wishing for unicorns. You know you deserve better, all you have to do is make the choice to act like it.
Good luck
hugs
butterfly
Jack and Jill said…
We have to agree. Forgetting a birthday, especially considering how important it is to you, seems to be a sign of mistreatment to come. Someone who forgets, or chooses to ignore, your birthday is a careless and ignorant individual. There are people out there who will treat you as you want and deserve to be treated. We suggest trading up.

Regardless of this lapse, we hope that your birthday was fun, and we hope you have a very Happy New Year in Boston.
Dee said…
Aw I'm sorry to hear this. I agree with all the above too. You deserve better than to be taken advantage of like this. I'd seriously consider moving on to someone who deserves you and knows how to appreciate it. I do still hope you had a nice birthday regardless.

Dee x
Southern Sir said…
I have to agree with everyone else, forgetting a birthday is inexcusable. That's your important day, therefore it should be a top priority for him hands down.
Regardless I hope you had a good day.
Mindset said…
Hey birthday sub-sis. Yeah they don't realize what they have at times. I have broken many vanilla relationships for forgetting my birthday.

Hugs

Next year we should celebrate together
ALuv said…
thank you for all your support and advice :)

I love my blog *sighs* and lets make this clean, I love it because of all you wonderful people here!! although I have never seen either one of you I somewhat feel a closeness because of everything we all share!

I consider each and everyone of you the "Blog Family"

thank you all so much!! from the bottom of my heart!

Mindset! is a date!!! I will come to you...I love the traveling!!

hugs and kisses
Aluv

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