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Day two

It was a good and productive day at work, I accomplished so much and very proud of it...will try to keep it up.  I also finished doing laundry and is folded, tomorrow I am putting it away, setting small daily goals, and putting away laundry is a goal for me...trust me!  Working on the menu and grocery list, doing great on the healthy eating part *claps* it has only been two days, I still have 364 more to go *grins wide*

A few people dropped by at lunch to chat for a bit *bleh* when they asked me how was everything in the love department I wanted to just put on some running shoes and skip out of there like Speedy Gonzalez...you know, they always seem to want to ask me about love or sex when they know I am lacking both...I think they do it on purpose, LOL.."mean girls".

Lets be serious, I can't concentrate, I have dark circles all around my eyes, not under them, but ALL around, I cried on and off through the day, I am confused, I don't even know what is going on and when I try to think of moments that transpired through the day they seem blurry, I opened the drawer at work and see a picture of him, I opened another one and see a picture of us, little notes and hearts around, at home...even though he's never been here when I go in my room and see my little meditation spot, Bella - the plant, the scrapbook from the vacation when I went to meet him...and there are so many little things that just reminds me of him, of us...

I love him and I know him, or at least I would like to think I do/did...and if he was to end things between us I know he would just tell me than leave me like this, he will just tell me straight out.

In other news...for a few months I am trying to erase my profile in CM, if you have any suggestions please give me a heads up...when I think is erased and gone from CM I get a message, or two, or three, OK, I admit it, when they start coming in they don't stop! hehe...but anyways, in one of my attempts to erase my account I just so happened I replied to a few of the messages but there was one in particular I hit it off with, he is funny, and very pleasant to talk to...odd, I actually started talking to this certain guy the same day "he" stopped writing to me and I didn't hear from the CM guy until today since last week...I don't know for some reason I just thought it was "him", gave me that sort of impression it was "him"...why did it feel like that?  *shivers* weird!
When we last spoke he stayed up past midnight waiting to say happy birthday *cute*.  I think we spoke the next day and that was it...when we spoke today I just couldn't help it, there were things he said...like "time to start looking forward, think of new shoes"....Call me crazy, and maybe I am but, today he logged off at the same time "he" used to log off, and the way he said he had to go...that was the same way he used to say it too.....................................let me just stop writing before my own words can be used against my sanity and have me committed.
I also had another weird little feeling I dare not say at the moment but will share later on.

Aside from having my little moments today it was a good day above all...I have to stay positive and just take it day by day :)

Sincerely Yours
Aluv

Comments

Sky said…
ALuv. We are in similar journeys. I am in limbo too not knowing if he is still my master. He hasn't contacted me just as yours hasn't contacted you. I think mine would tell me too. Not just disappear. I feel for you.

Great job on accomplishing your goals with eating and laundry. :)

Take good care of yourself. Try and be strong and not be upset. You are not alone.

Fondly. Sky

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