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complaining & whining

The situation with my mothers' car still on-going.
I paid her for the car that went missing/stolen...whatever...and she still keep bringing it up, blaming me for it, Ok, I take some of the responsibility but enough is enough....
I told her to buy herself a little car so she can drive herself around the town, is not like she goes far anyways...but she refuses to use the money to buy another vehicle.

She registered my car in her name because I felt I was in debt with her although I had already paid for her car, and knowing her having the vehicle in her name would get her off my back, but it has become a constant harrassment..
take me here,
take me there,
I can't make plans on weekends cause she  might need to use the car.
Several days a week I have to find a ride to work becaus she starts at 4:30 am...
So I keep suggesting her to get a car...
she says that I keep throwing on her face the fact i gave her the money, in other words twisting shit around to sound more like the victim.

I am the one who pays for the monthly insurance, i paid for the excise taxes, and each time she gets a chance she brings the subject up about the vehicle...

We have a love/hate relationship...I can't even be around her and I am sure she feels the same way, i try using positive thoughts around her but her aura is so negative...complaining about everything i do, how I handle life, bills, etc., she wants to have control in all aspects of everyones' life!

We had a huge argument yesterday.  I told her i was going to give her my car so she can drive and have no inconvenience and she told me off!! bringing up things that were no even relevant to the situation or the conversation we were having....

I have to admit I am always looking for her approval, she is my mom after all but I really must take a stand and separate myself from the situation somehow...i just wish I could just say hi once a week...and that's it!

In conclusion so she don't bother me anymore and i have no ties with her, and i don't have to deal with her I am going to give her the car, go back to public transportation until she goes back to Dominican Republic, which i am praying is soon, and then after she leaves take over the car...

I have tried for years and years to get along with her, to gain her approval and her love, but i am 37 years old and i will be damn if I am going to keep allowing the woman who is suppose to be blessing me (my Mom) instead of always putting me down and saying all i do is wrong...

Since she arrived my anxiety attacks came back and blood pressure is high...I called the doctor yesterday to get some meds for the anxiety since i refuse to go on BP pills, when the nurse was checking my files she says " your mother back in the states?" I said "yes" and she says, "yeah, I see a pattern here on your file, each time she is around you get high blood pressure and your anxiety comes back...can we just send her back to DR?"

How I wish!!!

Sincerely Yours


Dee said…
Ah ALuv. I can't help but smile. I have a similar relationship with my mum. I sometimes wonder what I'd do without her, but, I so get your frustration AND high blood pressure!

Dee x
painspleasure said…
I have spent years (and im 36) hoping to gain my mums approval, i have wanted her just once to say "im proud of you" but its never happened and i have tried so hard that now i realise i dont need her not living my life for her!

Its difficult, we are meant to love our mums, as daughters i keep hearing there is meant to be this special relationship...i love my mum because i guess im meant to but being honest i dont like her and it pains me to say that.

I hope your relationship with her does improve...its just so upsetting.

Atiya Luv said…
@Dee hehe, I know exactly what i can do w/o my mom...lower my BP and anxiety attacks disappear!!

After trying my entire life I am read to throw the towel, if by this time things aren't different I can't expect them to change..
I have an excellent relationship with my daughters, I am not as close to my oldest as i am to the others, but that is who and how she is...but we get along awesome.
I am just going to disconnect myself from her, hardest decision I have even made, and I know my family (sisters/brother) will bring me some drama, but they don't go trough what i go through with her so they don't understand...she has all of them in a pedestal while I am the black sheep...but I am willing to take the heat!
the control she has over me is done! the guilty trips she puts on me...I am done with!
I love her with pitty for everything she has been through in her life, she never had a healthy relationship with a man and got beat up on a weekly basis and always followed the same trend with men, abusive alcoholics...but I also have to understand is not my fault, and she got herself into that...
I told her I love her because i have to, because she gave birth to me and I am thankful for that, but as a human beign...pffft thats another story...i just can't forget one thing she said to me when my sister told her about her man trying to get his way with me "well she must've liked it since she never said a thing" or when my sister told her that her man tried touching her inappropiately...her answer to that was "maybe you misunderstood the touch" after that day I lost absolutely all respect...

It is just hard!! and yes, very upsetting...

**sorry - long response, but I am just on a roll and still upset**
Jack and Jill said…
I have a similar relationship with my father. I love him, of course, but he's not the sort to show emotion and certainly not say he's proud of me. Eventually I just learned to accept it, as he's got many good qualities.

Hang in there!


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