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Blogging & other thoughts

I am not here as often as I used to be, I do lurk and write a comment here and there just to keep myself updated of what is going on with my fave blogs and bloggers.

I really have nothing to blog about, no love life, my life is as vanilla as it can get!!

Nothing interesting is going on in my life, just trying to keep busy, still in a long distance relationship, coping with the distance and his busy season at work although he writes everyday and that sorta comforts me still feeling very lonely and something missing from my life.

I feel very accomplish in all phases of my life.
Work is going wonderful!
Kids are doing great!
I get out more often, actually, wish I could do it a bit more, but I am getting there.
Bills are paid.
Drama Free!!!
Overall everything is great, I can't complaint at all, yet I am not completely happy.

Although I love "Him" so very much and I want to be with "Him" in reality it is something that can't happen for now, maybe in a long time, and so much can happen in between that.
In all honesty I am trying to meet people, date, not letting go of the possibility I will fall in love with someone closer to me, someone who is single and can actually have a 'real' relationship with me...not having to hide, wait for the perfect time...etc.

I just can't believe how hard it is to date!!
I am beginning to think I am the one with the problem!!
Am I been too picky? expecting too much? maybe a repeat of how I felt with the Dutch?
I get turned off very easily and really quick, and after that, there is no turning back!

I was texting with someone yesterday, at first cool guy, we were doing just fine, all of a sudden he began to tell me how he wanted to kiss me and cuddle with me *?????*!!!!!
**my man!!! we haven't even met!
I told him I didn't know him, I don't kiss on the first date, we continued with the conversation...I appreciate him wanting to open up to me, but this is our first conversation, don't talk to me about your X, or how she cheated!!
Actual text and words!!

I was engaged to be married last year.  I found my best friend fucking my fiance behind my back for two years.  She didn't make love, have sex or fuck me for two years.  gained 20 pounds, said she lost her sex drive, i told her it didn't matter i would stand by her and all that time she was blowing him at Dunkins every day before work.

I didn't know how to reply, what can I say?  sorry that happened to you...? I..I.....I am speechless even now!
I don't talk about my X's to any guy!! unless he asks, and I don't go into details either! short and sweet!!

To say the least, it is a huge disappointment meeting guys, even talking to them...

Another issue.
I am not a model, i am a thick girl, i feel comfortable in my skin, i love me for who i am and what i look like, but, this guys are looking for curvy, athletic, skinny girls, so there is no love for girls with a few extra pounds?  but what really busts my balls is the fact that some of this dudes look like shit! with a few extra pounds themselves!!!

I should just give up dating and love all together!

it is damn obvious is not my time.
I don't know if I will ever meet someone who will make me feel weak in the knees, make them buckle when I am in front of him, my heart melt, giggle and smile just because I am thinking of him...the butterflies in the stomach, take my breath away with just a kiss...

I believe in soulmates and I think I met mine, and no matter what I do I can't get him out of my heart, out of my mind.
I still get weak in the knees when i read his emails
my heart beats faster when i see an email from him in the mornings
when I close my eyes and think of our moments together i smile, i get goosebumps, even my breathing becomes heavier

I am sprung!
I am in love!

this shit sucks!!!

Sincerely yours


Anonymous said…
I feel the same way about dating. Though, I have more than a few extra pounds, so it feels even harder to find guys that are interested.
squirrel said…
I understand completely how hard it is to be in an LDR with the reality something that can't happen right away. How just an email can make your heart beat faster and take your breath away. I don't know exactly where things between you and your Master but have you tried dating on a D/s site? Maybe you would find someone who "gets" it a little better? Aww but maybe it would suck even worse, lol! Either way, I'm wishing you lots of luck. :-)

hugs, squirrel
Jack and Jill said…
Most bloggers go through periods in which they don't have as much to blog about. It's pretty much inevitable. We're glad you're still here as we consider you a friend and we appreciate the updates. Despite the lack of a love life per se, we are glad that so many things ARE going well for you. You are wise to continue to try to date, even though you seem to be having very little success. Many people in a long-distance situation would put all their proverbial eggs in that basket and wallow in loneliness. You are being proactive and you should be lauded for it. The text conversation you included in this post is bizarre and while it may show how comfortable he felt with you his frankness would be a turn-off for either of us as well. He sounds bitter and is probably not a good match, but it seems like you have already figured that out.

Don't give up! Thick girls are hot! I know I'm not the only guy who feels this way! We hope that you will find what you are looking for, but we know that sometimes these things happen when you least expect it to.

Atiya Luv said…
@naughytashmaber - I think that is a matter of opinion, we are all different and we all have many qualities to bring to the table! a few extra pounds (or more) should not be a reason not to find a guy :) i am sure you are beautiful!

@squirrel - you see, i am looking for the company (Male company).
not only am I head over heels over my Master but I am also owned...not looking for an owner or a D/s experience.
And thank you so much for your wishes :)
((hugs squirrel tight))

@Jack and Jill
yes! thick girls are hot indeed!!! hehe
thanks for the support, and I do hope I find my place/spot in the love department.
As far as not putting all my eggs in one basket, you got that right!! I think I am old enough to know that...I just wish dating was a bit easier.

(hugs to all)
thank you for the support!!

Sincerely Yours
squirrel said…
Hi Aluv,

I didn't actually mean enter into an ownership relationship or violate Your contract with your Master. Sorry it sounded that way! :-)

I just meant maybe a Dom *might* be more understanding of the dynamic you are looking for. Also, I've read on others' blogs about subs/slaves having an owner as well as another Dom relationship, with the consent of both, of course.

Anyway, I'm sure it's not for everyone. good luck!

love, squirrel
Atiya Luv said…
I didn't take it the wrong way Squirrel...sorry it sounded that way on my behalf, I am a bit confuse about my relationship with Him at times and wonder if he has taken it as serious as I have...
I never wanted this type of relationship until I met Him...if things don't happen, well, I guess is to the vanilla world with me (maybe)
I do appreciate your advice very much! ((Hugs))
I have a few things to figure out I guess...I am sure in time.

Aint love grand...hehe
Florida Dom said…
Just want to say don't give up. There's an old saying that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. And if you crave the D/s lifestyle, going vanilla may not meet your needs.

Anyway, good luck and there are a zillion dating sites out there. Do some research and try to find one that is right for you.

Florida Dom said…
Just want to say don't give up. There's an old saying that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. And if you crave the D/s lifestyle, going vanilla may not meet your needs.

Anyway, good luck and there are a zillion dating sites out there. Do some research and try to find one that is right for you.


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