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Working in Hell & protecting myself


I meditate at least 5-6 times a week.

I use different things when I do so, water, my plant "Bella", sometimes candles, and sometimes incense, and I also have Crystals.

My poor crystals went through a lot! my snowflake obsidian, pffft, I lost that thing more than anything, I kept finding it, but it also kept going missing...some I dropped in someones car, I picked them up and put them back in the pouch and then my purse, but it happened a few times, and in the same car!

I started to do research about it.  It is says when a stone/crystal goes missing, forget about it, replace it, it served its purpose.  Same thing if they fall in someones house, vehicle, etc., leave them there, is because they need them more (at least is what I read)

I was not aware that they can be cleansed instead of replaced, either the sunlight or moonlight and of course other methods like sea salt, I don't know, the sunlight and moonlight seems more natural to me.
Anywho...I just decided to start clean, I made a list of what I wanted and to Salem, MA I went!  I just love going to that town!

I noticed the difference right away, how I hold them and they feel cold and I feel the vibration, is kinda of cool.  It is said that if the stone feels hot it needs to be cleansed, so far mine feel cold when I handle them.
It is really exciting to be honest, I am enjoying the experience.

I also feel very different since I started meditating, more at peace with myself and everyone around me.  The little things that used to piss me off now I wave them off, is not like I don't care, but I am not dwelling on petty things, we can't change the past or what it has been done, all we can do is move forward, not make the same mistakes, forgive, forget (or at least put it in the back of your head).
I used to be one stressing on how others felt, their opinion, even did things I really didn't want to do just because of peer pressure and the bullying around me (oh yes, grown ups can be bullied too).
Just because I always stayed quiet people thought they could walk over me until I retaliated, and that was not a great thing, I didn't like myself at all, I hate who I became
Once I came to terms, analysed my surroundings, the people around me, forgave them and myself, I found peace, and then I understood why they did it...jealousy, envy - not of what I have but of who I am.

I am a peoples' person, I love to help, everyone loves me, do things for me, are there for me in very good ways, I have students coming back to see me from 10 years ago, breakfast bought for me, coffee, I leave there every Christmas with bags and bags of gifts.  I am very lucky because I am loved, and that is what they envy, what they are jealous of.  It took a few people to help me open my eyes, this women are my friends, they really can't be feeling like this about me, or hate me, get me in trouble...but man was I wrong!

The picketing, pulling, and tugging still goes on, difference been that I no longer put attention, participate, or have any involvement in their doings.  When certain things are said in regards to me, put downs, comparisons, or any kind of negativity or negative energy from any of them in any type or form, I simply smile, agree with them, I go about my business and it really hurts them, and it bothers them that I don't want to be involved, or that it doesn't bother me anymore what they say or think of me.
It is not my intention to hurt anyone, but I know who I am, what I am about, I know where I want to go, where I want to be.  I love who I am, the way I am, I just feel sorry people need to put others down or try to pin point their faults to disguise their own.

I work in an ugly atmosphere, women all over the place and tons of bad and negative energy going around.  I feel drained when I come out of a meeting, I just want to go to bed, or even when we are all together in an office talking is like having the life sucked out of you.
All this women do is get together to talk and bash everyone else, including each other!!  are you serious? I see how one walks out and they shred her to pieces...makes me wonder what they say about me...lmao!

I told them today:
Eleanor Roosevelt said...
Great mind discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.

They looked at me as if I was crazy, made faces, laughed made fun of the quote, and one of them said "What else is there to do but discuss people...*SMH*

I need another job...but i am comfortable where I am at, is flexible too and we don't find many of those jobs nowadays...and honestly...there are bitches everywhere, bad people, negative people.
I figure, leaving this place to start fresh, deal with new assholes...nah, i rather deal with the ones I have now, at least i already know how far they will go, how mean and ugly (inside) they are, what they are capable of...


One thing I learned in this place is that 'you' have to be in the click to survive, so the only choice I have is to crystal up, be positive, up with meditation, fucking breath! and all will be alright!


Sincerely Yours
Aluv

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