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It's not you, it's me

Work becomes more of a hassle each day
It gets harder and harder to wake up, get dressed, car started, even driving to the place makes me feel heavy

While at work I am always cheery, happy go jolly and nobody would even guess the torment and the frustration I am going through.
My supervisor notices the change in me, quieter than ever (only at work), she asked me if it was the job and or the company, before I answered I thought about it..
"It is not you, it is me"
I have no issues with my boss, supervisor, coworkers and/or students but I have lost the love and the dedication I once had for doing what I am suppose to be doing.
I have so much to catch up on and paperwork that needs to be taken care of before I decide to leave and knowing this I still cant find the motivation to do it!

There are so many things affecting me, such as...
The everyday routine
I can't breath and feel caged in
Not feeling inspired to write, not even in my diary and that is very odd!
A certain feeling like I am wasting my time, my life away doing the same thing day in and day out and not feeling rewarded or like I made a difference, which I know is not true considering the job that I do
No motivation, and the energy level is low
Back pain, chest pain
For a while I couldn't even orgasm or cum on command
I can fill the page complaining about all this negative feelings and emotions but I guess you all get the hint

It is sad because I only feel this way while at work
as soon as Friday comes I get this boost of energy that I only wish I had Monday mornings, then again, as soon as Sunday comes I get the most horrible chest pain and anxiety attacks (praise the Xanax) just because I know I have to go back to the same routine all over again!

I keep asking myself
Is a job worth my health?
of course not but the bills don't wait for anyone!

Since I do have my plans to leave and sooner than expected since the year started I have been catching up on old paperwork and getting file cabinets organized and while doing it I keep thinking, daydreaming of my future plans and goals.
I still have that quote in my head and I say it each day like a little prayer:

So far it is working for me and has me motivated
Doing research, making recipes, business plans, business cards, looking for craft fairs to join for spring, summer and fall.
Just because I am unhappy with my job and going through all this motions does not mean I am actually curled up in a corner doing nothing, I just don't say what is going on behind the scenes until the time is right.

I am on my way!

Sincerely Yours


C Stag said…
Good for you… you still do your job, as you accept that responsibility… but you are planning and working for your future. Keep your chin up, and do the things you have to do for yourself every day.
I'm excited for you...
missy louise said…
Yes , You are You are wonderful and good things are coming your way. Its 2015 your year for new and exciting things. this is slave sindee due to some strange events (stalker) i have reinvented myself thanks to a Mistress & Master they came up with my new name missy louise.
keep it going forward
AtiyaLuv said…
thanks so much and to be honest I work harder at keeping my chin up this days than I did before, so hard and stressing to be at a place one does not feel comfy in.

@missy louise
thanks for awesome comment! 2015 does feel like is going to be an amazing year! I am loving the name missy louise, sorry to hear about the stalker, I know exactly how that feels :(
((tight hugs missy louise!!))

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