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Lessons Learned



My daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, came a bit premature, 24 weeks to be exact, unfortunately he died an hour after he was born, goes to show how fragile life can be.



I learned something on that day (4/21/2015)...
Things change from one moment to another
without a warning
suddenly
abruptly
Life will throw curve balls and fast balls our way and they can either make us or break us.
I truly believe I hit my turning point

The time came for me to act and just say "fuck it"

I am always careful doing the things I would like to do, making certain decisions because of fear
because I am scared
I think too much, instead of taking the plunge and just do what I have to do for me, my sake, my sanity, my happiness

Feeling different about it now
Made my first move to get to where I want to be
I spoke to my boss and told her what I have been wanting to say for months
"I need time off, I am tired, I am burned out, I am done, get someone in here ASAP because I need to take care of me"
Although this conversation already took place about a month ago it seems that nothing was been done, I guess they were just waiting for me to get better, feel better, and probably dismiss the situation as I have done in the past...but...
Had a rude awakening which made me realize that life is too short to live with fear and trying to meet peoples' expectations even when it is not my intention
going back a bit (elaborating)...
It is no secret I am trying to leave this job but there are a few things that are holding me back
I stay at this job because of the money, it is the reason why most of us work, to pay bills and survive
The second reason is because I am so grateful to my boss for all she has done for me over the years, I am loyal to her and the company
But those should not be reasons why I should stay at a place when I'm so unhappy, not at my cost, when I'm so miserable

There is so much going wrong in my life (and I only realize this when I sit down to think and look at my surrounding)
I never thought that at this point and stage I would be going through so much shit
Although I am a firm believer that there is a reason for everything and I take most things with a grain of salt, is hard to believe that I am so unstable and have absolutely no idea how to start fixing everything that has gone wrong.

The best part of it all
I'm not too late
I stopped planning and just acting
I've noticed that when I make plans they never come out as i want them to
Reminds me of a quote that's says "you want to see God laughing?  Just tell him your plans"

I know I'm gonna be alright
But first I need to let go of all fears 

Sincerely Yours
Aluv




Comments

C Stag said…
There is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better about a baby passing… I am sorry.

It is often darkest before the dawn… and most times things happen for a reason… which we don't really see at the time. Sometimes it takes a while … but usually we say… OK, that makes a bit of sense now.

I hope you get out of that situation at work. I hope your Etsy goes well, and you can manage to pay your bills and live a little, doing something you don't hate. That's all we really ask, isn't it?

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