Everyday I am thinking what I can do for him to please him, to make sure he is satisfied, amused and delighted
It is incredible knowing that his happiness is also my happiness, I never felt like this before, my motto was that I will do for someone as much as they would do for me, not anymore, not any less, all equal opportunity to me!
I was married for many years and there used to be a medium and a balance, 50/50 most of the time but I was never submissive, I did things because I was his wife, it was expected of me and although I did it with love and because I wanted to I really never found the joy I find now and the feeling of wanting to please another person as much as I want to please him.
I often find myself fantasizing of everything I could do to keep me on my toes, keep him interested in me, us, and the relationship, so far I think I am doing a pretty good job, unfortunately the distance and the fact that we don't see each other as often as we would like to makes it a bit harder and challenging, still, I always do as he says, as he expects, my obedience and loyalty even surprises me at times, and my eagerness gets stronger with each passing day.
Lately it has been more challenging for this is his busy season,
spring comes and he is loaded with work and projects, and although it pisses me off the lack of attention, I get frustrated, I tell him off (but he doesn't know that), I get into little arguments with myself about it cause I don't think it is fair in some ways, but when he sends a text I melt, all of it disappears, my heart turns into a ball of cotton candy and I hand out spoons so I could be scooped off the floor, he melts me! (now that gets me even more upset with myself, cause I don't express myself, and I forget too)
Makes me wonder why I even get upset--although they are valid at times *grins* and trust me, I could make a point and a great argument, but I have the worse brain farts when with him, even talking to him I trip on my words so it is hard to keep track of what I am suppose to say and how to say it.
According to him my valid points and arguments are no longer so valid
he is right, he is always right even when he is not
he will compromise at times, but he wont use those exact words "compromise" just an act of kindness on his behalf, but I think he does it cause he also wants to please me in his own way, he loves to see me smile and hear my laughter *grins*
lucky about that ha!
I like it that way too
It is completely unbelievable how much I have changed
How different I view relationships
and how submissive I have become, I didn't think one can keep getting more submissive with time, but yeah, that is something I also learned in the last 3 or 4 months
Who knows, it was probably there all this time, but it took the right person to come along to bring it out, to make me experience it
I am so eager to please him
knowing his needs come before mine and not because he asks or tells me that it should be that way, but because it comes natural to me, it is the way I feel it and it feels right as well
Looking forward to be at side once and for all
I want and need to feel I am at home again
He is home, He is my home.
141 more days until we see each other again.