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February PhotoFest 2017 on the 8th day

"when your children are young you have them at your feet,
when they grow up you have them in your heart"

This is the quote someone shared with me yesterday.
my oldest daughter is going through a rough patch, a very rough one.  At this moment she does not have custody of my grandson, he is living with his father until she can get her shit together.
It scares me because of the history we have with the other side of the family.  Since the baby was born is a constant battle, the other grandmother wants to take custody because she only had one child and I guess she wanted to have more and never did.  
It hurts to know she is going through it and even worse that my grandson is been put through it.
Feeling numb because I am trying to see him and only excuses are been given to me.  Do I have to go to court to see him?  
I just don't know...

When our children are small we want them to hurry up and grow up, get out, get a life, be an adult, but what we fail to understand is that when they do get there it goes like this:
  • Some will move out and be so independent you no longer count.  Is not that they don't need you but for some reason they just want to get away from you to the point you become a stranger and an option during holidays...like one of my friends, she knows the city her daughter lives in but not the address.  really?
  • The ones that don't want to leave home, not because they love you so much they can't be without you, but because rent and bills are so expensive out there they much rather stay sucking the life out of you and drying your bank account because they only have a part time job, paying for college but they are in their 30's
  • let's not forget those who get in trouble and only call their parents when they are in need, but only to ask for money, borrow the vehicle, stay with you for a while, etc.
Not all kids are like that but there is always one, and if you don't have one of those, please, consider yourself lucky, count your blessings each and every day.

I have three, and I swear since they grew up I am so scared to pick up the phone is not even funny.

my oldest is like a free spirited child, she doesn't care what anyone thinks, their opinion, and believes she should live her life as she pleases.  Ok, I get it, power to you, but when you have a child your wants and needs should wait a bit until you have taken care of your responsibility as a mom.  I tell her all the time, spend time with him, talk to him, play with him, when he gets older you have the rest of your life to do as you please...but she knows it all, she doesn't want to hear it, and feels offended when tell her where she is going wrong and what she should do (advice).
She alienates her family because we try to give her advice, we try to give her options, but in her mind options are limited.
She is so smart, artistic, capable of accomplishing so much.  I have faith and hope she will find her way, but this child is 26 years old!! how long must we wait?

middle child - goes to college, two jobs, lives with me temporarily because I am cutting the cord coming this July.  She is the one who wants to live with me or family so she doesn't have to pay a full rent.  The one who borrows my car to go out and comes home in the back of a police car at 5am because she got into a small incident with my vehicle, having to pay almost $400 to get it fixed and she only reimbursed me $140.  
You can't say a thing to her, not even give her advice, she cries for any little thing, independent in her own way, loves to save money, and I believe she is going to be rich one day.
I can't get her out of the house and when I think she may be going on her own it scares me because she can be a bit friendly at times.  Aside from a few little things she is organized and very independent when she feels like it, of course.  she is a mamas' girl too.  

the baby got in some trouble a day before his 18th birthday which we are still going to court for.  Other than that, he is independent, pussy whopped (his girl is like the last coke in the world), a mamas' boy too.  This child can be so lazy!  and loves to rush, with a hint of ADHD (wonder where he got that from 😏😀😅😉), doesn't like to wait, if you are picking up this child and you give him a time, please, don't be late, the chances of you finding him there will be 0 to none!
He will get a ride, or walk and probably beat you to the location.  I am like that too, but he takes it a bit over board.
He doesn't call everyday, but he sends me snapchats, we share videos, etc.
When he gets paid depending on how many hours he worked and how much he takes home he will give $50 - $100 (at least twice a month)
He can't even hear I need something or want something because he will make sure he gets it for me.  I am trying for him to go back to school, he is so smart and I know can have a great future, but waiting until court is done so he can continue with his plans.

The joys of parenthood
but also the heartaches, the concern, the pain when someone you love so much is suffering, not doing well, or hurting.
I don't know how there are parents who mistreat their children or don't care about them...when my kids hurt I also hurt, their pain and suffering are mine as well, although I've been told to let them deal and solve their own issues, but then I think about it and I can't just do that.  I was not raised that way, and I want them to know they are not alone.

I do think is time I begin living for me, doing for me, but it is something I have to work on.







Comments

julie said…
Letting go and putting yourself first is so hard. I am still learning and I only have one child xxx
AtiyaLuv said…
it is hard to see them hurt, and I want to allow them to learn on their own and I understand that sometimes I make it easier for them, that's why I am thinking of moving a bit further and more out of state. I need to breath
missy louise said…
i wanna grab you and give you a big hug. i have three daughters each one different. i can only imagine and pretend to know what you are going through. Wish i could hold and hug you and tell you it will be alright cuz in the end it will.. Just the journey is a winding bumpy road.
Hang in there and take a deep breath or two.
Your picture is perfect for the mood and writing of your feelings
AtiyaLuv said…
thank you so much, your hug is very welcomed and returned.
missy louise said…
the return hug is much appreciated

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